Tips for couples who’ve lost that lovin’ feeling
Intimacy is the foundation to our relationships. When it’s burning bright, everything flows with ease, patience, forgiveness, light-heartedness and safety.
Yes, safety.
Sharing a feeling of intimacy with our partner gives us that much needed sense of security. Security that we belong, that someone has our back, that we are doing something right in our relationship, and feeling the positive effects of it.
What I want every couple to understand is that the flame of intimacy can and will dim, and that’s to be expected in any long-term relationship.
Loving couples can nurture their connection and reignite that spark. But how do we bridge the intimacy gap between partners and restore closeness when life’s big and small challenges pull us apart?
Maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship is not easy. Any couple in a successful relationship will tell you that.
Every day we are faced with demands that compete for our time and attention. Work and family obligations take their toll, leaving little room for moments of connection and physical affection.
Add in the day-to-day demands, and our reluctance to talk about long-standing issues or resentments, and you end up with a stalemate between partners that lacks the momentum to create change.
One such couple (we’ll call them Andy and Sharon) came to me complaining that something important was missing in their 10 year relationship. They described it as a lack of closeness, tenderness, and presence.
After having children, and both working full-time jobs, they found themselves struggling to make time to be alone together in a meaningful way. The conversations had become mundane, and superficial. Even the sex was feeling devoid of the kind of connection they used to feel. They were suffering a downhill slide and it scared them.
Making the decision to seek outside help was their first hurdle.
To Andy, coaching felt like admitting that their relationship was falling apart. He was afraid that coaching was admitting defeat. He wanted to try to figure it out themselves. After 6 months, he admitted that they were unable to make any meaningful, long lasting changes on their own.
When they agreed to reach out for coaching with me, they set aside an hour a week to talk about their relationship. That’s when tangible changes started to take place.
They also decided to set aside dedicated time each week for date nights, where they could share meaningful conversations and reconnect emotionally. These date nights reintroduced the feelings of intimacy they were both missing, which in turn opened them up to affection and physical intimacy again.
In addition to coaching and date nights, Andy and Sharon also learned that small daily actions can have a huge impact.
They started saying “I love you” more often, and with meaning, rather than the throw off ‘love ya’s’ they had become numb to.
They also experimented with sharing some new activities, like planning and cooking a new dish they were both excited to try, and venturing out, just the two of them, on new hiking trails in places they loved to visit.
These may sound like simple gestures, but for Andy and Sharon, it was exactly what they needed to break out of their emotional slumber, and they were able to reignite their flame of intimacy.
Making changes in your relationship is easier than it sounds. Andy and Sharon aren’t unique. They are just a typical couple who found themselves stuck in patterns that weren’t fanning the flames.
They weren’t broken. They weren’t in crisis. But they were taking intimacy for granted. Gradually they stopped nurturing the relationship with meaningful gestures.
Intimacy is the foundation of happy. long-term relationships, AND shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Relationship coaching isn’t the last resort, it’s the first step in acknowledging that modern love is not easy in a busy life.
Reach out and let’s talk about how to make your relationship not just survive, but thrive and grow for decades to come.
Click here to schedule a Discovery Call and learn how relationship coaching can help you rekindle the flame of intimacy.
