How many people have you been nice to over the past week? Between grocery clerks, fellow drivers, your neighbors, your family members, coworkers, it probably adds up to quite a few.
Most of us are pretty good at being nice. We can practice being nice pretty much anywhere.
How many people have you been naughty with over the past week?
We don’t have a whole lot of people we can be naughty with. Being naughty is reserved for a very limited few.
For most of us it probably boils down to one. Your intimate partner is the one person you have the freedom to be naughty with.
I’m not talking about the disobedient-child kind of naughty, the kind of naughty that doesn’t deserve a visit from Santa. I’m talking about the teasing, flirtatious, bratty, even irreverent kind of naughty. The kind of naughty that makes us feel playful, mischievous and relaxed with our partner.
When a dating couple moves into a long-term relationship, flirting, naughtiness, teasing can slowly fade away. Once the 2-year relationship warrantee is up, the light, breezy erotic exchange that first drew us to our partner can dim.
We might even consciously turn down our flirtatiousness, if it’s linked in our minds to sexual expectations and potential disappointment.
When we turn down our flirtatiousness, we’re turning down our aliveness and suppressing our playful sexuality.
If one of you is turning down the energy because of perceived expectations of where it might lead, make an agreement that flirting won’t roll into sex. (Yes, you can do that!)
Keep flirting simple and clean of expectations, then let your flirt energy flow.
We can choose to turn that energy back up, anytime we want to. And when we do, we suddenly notice how we have the ability in any moment to shift out of long-term predictability back to the energy of spontaneity.
Flirting and teasing is an invitation. We’re knocking on our partner’s door and asking if they can come out to play. If they’re available to accept our invitation, they’ll throw the ball back, with a wry comment, or a teasing remark, and the games begin!
Find moments that lend themselves to some brevity and seize them, by dropping a sexual innuendo with a smirk on your face.
Look for the opportunities to get a little naughty together. Remind each other that playfulness is sexy, and sex is playful.
Naughtiness comes in all forms. Get creative:
- Let your face do the talking with sideways glances, winks, extended eye contact, a mischievous grin, a full-body glance.
- Use words that entice, with promises of future pleasure, or confessions of desire.
- Send a teasing text while you’re away on errands.
- Play hide and seek because, why not?
- Put on some clothes that you know your partner finds sexy, and enjoy their attention as you go about your business.
- Catch your partner in a chase, and then let them go.
- Lower your voice and whisper in their ear from behind.
- Tickle them for a few seconds, then walk away.
- Play footsies under the table during family dinners.
Exercise your flirt. Bring it on. Remind your partner why they chose you in the first place by letting yourself get a little naughty.
The big takeaway? It’s the small moments of connection throughout the day that create the kind of intimacy that leads to sexual desire.
And if a stranger in a red suit says that he sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake, and then asks you if you’ve been naughty or nice this year, tell him to mind his own business, and then call the police. (just playing 😜 )
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